“Whether your relationships stem from business or personal situations, our relationships are what support us, connect us, and allow us to progress in all aspects of our lives.” – Michelle Tillis Lederman
As we see more and more unsettling news come across our screens today, it can get discouraging. Yet, now is the time for women to rise up and create change. For us to grow our leadership skills, step into our power and be the change we want to see. We do this not just for ourselves but for the generations that are watching us and following us. Michelle Tillis Lederman’s quote gives me energy to keep chipping away at the relational obstacles before us. What is very clear is we cannot do this alone. We NEED each other. So how do we build relationships that we can rely on as we acknowledge our purpose, and lay out our mission to accomplish our vision? Real success, bone marrow deep success, is impossible without building great relationships. Real success is the result of treating others with kindness, regard, respect and grace. Below are some strategies that Dale Carnegie proposed in his classic, How To Win Friends and Influence People. I have taken the liberty to edit them a titch.
5 Strategies to develop solid relationships:
1. Become genuinely interested in other people: Dogs are the only animal that don’t have to work for a living. Their super power is that they love us, whole-heartedly. I once gave a speech at Toastmasters titled ”I want to be the person my dog thinks I am.”
In order to make friends more easily, become more interested in other people. As opposed to trying to get other people interested in you. When you are listening to someone, work to find something you really like in them. It can shift how you show up and attend to that particular conversation.
Also be present and have good eye contact. Don’t check your phone, keep looking over the other person’s shoulder if you are in a crowded environment, or continually glance at your monitor. Don’t focus on anything else, even for a moment. You can never connect with others if you’re too busy being distracted by other stuff.
2. Remember people’s names:
A person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Most people are more interested in their own name than anyone else’s name. Our names differentiate us and set us apart. Recalling a person’s name makes us memorable and creates connections faster. It is a way of honoring that person by making an effort to call them by name. Create a system for remembering people’s names that works for you. When you are introduced to someone, work to say their name as quickly as possible. If it is an unusual name, you can ask them to spell it so you can visualize their name in your head. Or ask, is _______ a family name? Creating word association with their name can also help recall their name easily.
3. Be a good listener:
Encourage others to talk about themselves. Bottom line, as we all want to be heard. Hear people out and resist the temptation to interrupt them. Give them your full attention. If you rearrange the letters in listen, it spells silent. Rearrange the letters again and it spells enlist. Listen -> silent -> enlist. This is a powerful sequence to adopt in building strong relationships.
This quote always makes me chuckle, “Don’t talk unless you can improve the silence.” Jorge Luis Borges
4. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest:
The best way to get a person’s attention is to talk about what they value most. Ask open ended questions that get someone talking about what interests them or areas where you two have common ground. If it is a networking event or a call to connect with someone, here are a few fun questions to ask:
– “What is one thing that you are proud of that most people don’t know about you?”
– “When you scroll through your phone, what are most of your pictures of?”
5. Remember to smile:
Your facial expression is more important than the clothes you wear. Be genuinely happy when you meet people if you want them to have a good time meeting you. The act of smiling has multiple benefits: it lowers stress and anxiety, it releases endorphins, s makes you more approachable, smiles are contagious and smiling reduces pain.
If you do a lot of phone work, make sure you smile as make or receive a call. That smile is transmitted through the phone.
If you are wanting to make an impact for good, need a safe place to gain perspective or you are tired of working so hard without juicier results. I would love to set up a time to chat with you. My next Inner Circle starts in June and these are some of the benefits of joining this Inner Circle group. I have a few spots still available.
Here is the scheduling link to create time to talk about how this applies to you.
I hope you have time set aside to enjoy the beauty of summer with family, friends, travel and time to recharge your batteries.
We have time scheduled for adventures in our camper, swimming lessons with the babies and BBQs galore.
Stay in touch and may these tips support you as you build deep relationships!